Remember those old ads, that used to say "Why have coffeee... when you can have Coffee Crisp!" and the coffee would be shown to be hideously impractical and burning and basically the Devil's Liquid Indulgence, while the Coffee Crisp was handy and portable and crunchy and Beloved By the Lord?
Well, in your face, advertising moguls! Right at this very moment, in my cubicle, I am having BOTH!
I walk on the wild side.
I also got a thrill out of eavesdropping on co-workers as my coffee squirted from the machine (um, ew). They exclaimed on and on about Jon and Kate Plus 8, while I crunched on my candy bar and smirked to myself through the crumbs about how they knew nothing, NOTHING, about the show, while I have see every episode and BOTH hour-long specials. Fools!
... My life is fan-fucking-tastic these days, clearly.
Enthusiastically yours,
Jordan
P.S.: Oh, and I know I said meatier stuff today, and it is coming, after my therapy. Yes, that's right, I go to therapy.
Don't you just want to BE me?
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
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